9. Deeznuts as a screen name? Not funny.
It always amazes me how creative online gamers can be in the world. There was a fellow online the other day that assigned himself a name that could only be found in porn (can’t name the fellow because I would probably get sued). Here are suggestions that sound a lot cooler than the name you chose… shaftstroker? T*ttickler? Better yet, why not lonelykidwhoneverkissedagirl?
Advice for gamers: Think before you assign a name.
8. “9.6? This game deserves 9.0!” — Bitter Madden fan
Yes, I scored the game ‘.6’ higher than you wished, but is that really a major deal? Do I need 100 replies requesting I lower the score? In the scheme of things will this hurt you? Probably not. What’s funny about this situation is that the next review on Metacritic is actually a 9.5, and that guy didn’t get killed for it on his review.
Advice for gamers: It’s okay not to follow. Why not lead?
7. No, we didn’t get paid by the companies, please stop asking/accusing.
Do you see ads outside of google on this site? No. Do you know why? We don’t have an advertising department. We don’t have sales people. We could probably be making loads and loads of money if we were smarter, but we aren’t smarter. So, when you see a review on the site that you don’t agree with please eliminate this response. It’s useless. It’s dumb. It’s regretfully not true.
Advice to gamers: Feel free to question other sites, but not us.
6. We’re all f*cking geeks, fyi.
When you’re on a message board making fun of someone for their technical prowess, please keep in mind that you’re making fun of someone on a message board for their technical prowess. See that logic? For more logic go here.
Advice to gamers: Use logic (apply that to everything in life)
5. Yes, you were ‘first’ in the comments field. You get nothing except ridicule.
I get annoyingly tickled when people put ‘First’ in the comments field. Why? Do you get a prize for not being insightful? Is it a warning that you’re a f*cking moron? I can’t figure out the ‘specialness’ of being first, but I’m sure your parents are proud.
Advice to gamers: First!
4. Cheating on any online game instantly makes you the saddest human being on earth.
I admit that in the 90s when I played Doom and Doom II and entered ‘God Mode’, it was amusing. But think about this for a second… there is some douchetool out there that actually hacks into a game to cheat (could be hours and hours of doing this), so that their lame, sorry ass can actually beat 10-year old Jimmy down the street in an first-person shooter. That’s like slapping a kid on the street and stealing his candy, and then going back to brag to your friends that you whooped a guy’s ass on the street for talking shit.
Advice to gamers: No advice, just a sentiment. I don’t hate you as much as I feel really, really, really, really sorry for you.
3. It’s okay to like other systems. That doesn’t make you a whore.
Advice to gamers: Don’t be an asshole.
2. It’s okay to explore other sites.
If you read one review please feel free to go to other sites to read their reviews. It’s okay. One thing in life you need to know is that getting more and more opinions makes your opinion better and insightful. Research things on your own. Rent games. Do everything in your power to make sure that ‘you’ feel comfortable about a game. If you don’t like a score or you judge your opinion completely off of another, single opinion then you’re selling your intelligence short.
Advice to gamers: Read reviews, don’t join alliances.
1. Smile more.
Your generation doesn’t smile enough. It helped in the 80s. It will help you now.
Advice to gamers: Seriously, f*cking smile.
