Re-making a classic
There are times when a movie needs to be remade and there are times when a movie simply does not; this is the latter.
Thomas Crown is a rich man and he has some rich tastes. He bets big, he buys big and he plays big. One of his favorite hobbies is stealing valuable paintings and he does just that in this film. After stealing a very valuable ‘Monet’ he thinks he gets away without a hint of detection thanks to a wonderful ‘frame’ job he pulls off on some Romanian thieves. In steps Catherine Banning, a notoriously successful finder of all paintings that are stolen. She instantly suspects Crown of stealing the painting and stops at nothing to find it so that she might get her 10% take on the value. She’ll do anything including getting ‘close’ to the man. Once she starts the cat and mouse game begins.
This movie was best left untouched. The original was far better, with more sincere acting and less of a beauty contest between our lead characters. Pierce Brosnan, whom I love because of his fine performance as Remington Steele and his performance as James Bond, simply looks bored as the character he plays. The only time he is alive is when he’s naked with Rene Russo (who wouldn’t be at that point), but his lack of presence in the majority of the film simply kills it. Crown is supposed to be sophisticated, but at the same time a thrill-seeker. Brosnan’s Crown is a ‘bored’ man. He acts bored, he is bored. That just doesn’t play well in the film for the lead, despite the film’s attempt at making him exciting through a set of clever ways to still a Monet and an equally clever ending. The movie starts out great with Brosnan, but as soon as the beginning is over it simply loses the wind in the sails and the boat of the movie drifts.
Now, this isn’t to say that Russo is great because she seems to be lost as to what Catherine Banning is suppose to be. Is she helpless? Is she tough? Does she want to catch Crown? Does she want to be with Crown? Is she honest? Is she crooked? Is she witty and smarter than the rest of us? Is she as clueless as us? All of these questions are left unanswered through a series of terrible lines spout out from a shallow script. Honestly, Russo looks confused by how she should be playing the character; and that’s a really bad sign.
So, the two characters are this: Bored and confused.
Thankfully, the story is neither; it’s simply shallow. Most stories of this type of magnitude, such as a The Usual Suspects or some other mystery where you’re just trying to put the pieces together, want to make the audience think a bit. This movie immediately says Crown did the crime and it doesn’t go through any clever methods to make you think otherwise. It doesn’t try to trick you or throw a 180-degree climax on you by the end of the film. It simply says, “Hey, it’s a cool beginning, a injured in-between and we wrap it up at the end with a cute twist.” Nothing more to the story, nothing less.
The other issue that this film had that really hurt it as well is that the two lead characters fell into love WAY too quickly. By the second encounter he had her in his bed (and staircase and library, and on the hallway floor and etc.) and suddenly the seeker was no longer really looking for the criminal. It’s like if you hopped on a roller coaster ride and it had one hill at the beginning, but pretty much ran flat and slow through the majority. By the time you would end the ride the twist at the end wouldn’t be that exciting considering the middle bored the hell out of you.
Harsh? Maybe, but when you remake a classic this is what happens when it goes wrong. And the film went very wrong. There was no redemption for it and that makes me a bit sad.
Redeeming factor
If you loved this movie then you’re probably going to love the Blu-ray. The visuals were tasty, considering how eloquently it was shot. You have a lot of beautiful colors in the museum to enjoy and one of the more breathtaking scenes on the high sea that you’ll find anywhere on a Blu-ray (even if Water World came out you would say this was better) and various other locales that scream, “Wow, this is goregous!” Yes, you’ll be grossed out completely by the green juice that Russo consumes in the first part of the film, but only because it looks so dastardly grotesque in HD (when you see the green lump plop in the drink you might throw up a bit in your throat — BLAH!). Adding to the visuals is the really fantastic for your ears soundtrack. Remastered in DTS-HD, you’ll find a lot to love about it.
As for the features, you don’t really get anything other than a fancy menu on the Blu-ray. You do get a DVD version of the film, with commentary from the director, but other than that you don’t get anything else. Tis’ a shame.
