Abraham Lincoln had the Gettysburg Address, Humphrey Bogart had Casablanca, and The Who had Who’s Next. Every famous public figure, entertainer, and musical group has their venerable magnum opus for which they are best known, however rare it may be to find universal agreement on its selection. To that end, few would argue that the Mystery Science Theater 3000 gang could reference more success throughout the show’s life than they claimed with their unforgettable ribbing of Manos: The Hands of Fate.
In many ways, the selection of the film to be used on the show was a historic event in the industry. Now widely believed to be the worst movie ever created (though IMDB’s Bottom 100 rankings now have it in a humble third place), Manos: The Hands of Fate (translated “Hands: The Hands of Fate”) has few, if any, redeeming qualities. It’s poorly written, unconvincingly acted, and laughably produced. Put quite simply, it’s painful to watch—so, conversely, perfect for MST3K.
I think I remember experiencing this episode in my youth and coming away more disgusted than amused. For whatever reason, at that point, I didn’t find the jokes to be all that sharp, and I was a bit concerned coming into this special edition DVD release that I might be left with the same aftertaste. After all, it’s been widely documented that the MST3K staff, throughout the writing process for this episode, found the film so terrible and so boring that they actually had serious trouble coming up with enough clever riffs to fill the void.
Fortunately, my conclusion after viewing the episode attentively this time was quite the opposite—I found it hilarious. In fact, it’s probably among my favorites of the Joel era, primarily because although the jokes are still comparatively sparse (when viewed in contrast with the Sci-Fi-era episodes), they’re consistently sharp and very often hilarious. And the film… oh God, the film. It’s just so damn bad.
The Trip There
Few movies are brave enough to waste the viewer’s time with a twenty minute opening driving sequence, but Manos laughs at the pressure and shamelessly exploits the opportunity. We’re introduced to a family on vacation, questioning their directions in the days before GPS (and apparently also male mortality, maps, and asking directions). The sign says the hotel’s just ahead around the bend, honey, so clearly we’re on the right track. What in the world is the point of stopping to ask? We’ll just drive around this barren expanse of farmland until eventually we run right into the parking lot. It’s bound to happen.
Wife isn’t so convinced, but clearly she isn’t afforded the luxury of a vote. Meanwhile, daughter and dog stir in the back seat as the sun begins to set and the family takes a turn down a road that, as proclaimed several times by different folks in the film, is widely known to “lead to nowhere.”
Somewhere along the way we also get to witness a freaking long interstitial scene featuring a couple in their car making out at the start of this forgotten road. Fifteen seconds of this little side story would have sufficed, but as with everything in Manos, fifteen seconds is five minutes. A cop car eventually pulls up and reprimands the couple via dialogue which is so muffled as to be unintelligible. Reluctantly, the couple takes a break and drives off. This scene, apparently, was included at least partially because the cameraman/sound engineer/costume designer (?)/man with a million other roles in the film apparently wanted to “get laid” throughout the filmmaking process. Such were evidently his terms for being included in the production of Hands.
Our beloved family and renegade father, meanwhile, arrive at a house surrounded by nothingness, to be greeted out front by a pleasant fellow named “Torgo”, who seems to have some sort of issue with his thighs that has seen them grow to nearly double the normal size (Servo remarks: “Been hitting the Thighmaster, Torgo?”). Father (“Michael”) quickly decides that this man is harmless enough, and in his happy-go-lucky way, invites himself and his family to stay the night so that they can continue their search for their elusive destination in the morning. Torgo repeatedly advises him that “the master would not approve,” but our brave hero replies that surely it won’t be any trouble.
A hilarious painting hangs above the mantle in this warm dwelling, depicting an unhappy fellow wearing a black cloak with red hands on it. Naturally, dad doesn’t find this to be the slightest bit strange. It’s dramatic irony in its most obvious and least interesting form.
Unexpected Chaos
Not long afterward, the family dog is killed, daughter goes missing, and mom is losing her mind as a result of the circumstances. Once daughter turns up, the car breaks down (surprise!) and dad eventually gets bludgeoned and taken down to the site of what is clearly a cult. Tied to poles around the perimeter are a small number of women, brainwashed wives of a man whom they surround, lying on a stone pedestal in the center of the area. This man is (also obviously) the cult leader—the “Master”. Manos: The Hands of Fate.
Torgo, meanwhile, is more interested in stealing Michael’s wife. After all, the master has enough of them already, so what’s it going to hurt if he takes this one?
The rest of the movie is really just a mishmash of half-assed female wrestling scenes (in nearly-full clothing, mind you) and setting fire to hands and stuff like that. It honestly gets more and more boring and terrible as it progresses, which is really quite a feat. What’s even more impressive, however, is Joel and the Bots’ handling of the circumstances. Their approach to riffing films differs according to the particular deficiencies of whatever garbage they’re being forced to watch, and in this case, much of the effort goes toward mitigating the ugliness and sheer dread of the film—thus, belittling its subject matter, the plot points, and the ridiculous characters. Not much is even said about the pitiful production values, which just makes it all that much more hilarious. The viewer is left to digest the obvious problems with the movie, while Joel and the gang instead layer on a thick slathering of subtle ridicule of the characters and concepts. It’s brilliant.
As characters continue to converse while the camera wanders elsewhere, Joel suggests “Honey, should we be in a cutaway or something?” When we’re treated to the same scene of the same couple making out for the second time, cops pull up to the scene and Crow says, “Hey, uh, somebody filming a bad movie out here?” The Master menacingly proclaims, “Enough, the ceremony is done.” To which Servo adds, “bars and punch in the fellowship hall.”
Joel remarks “You know, this scene is strong enough for a manos, but made for a womanos.” And finally, during the end credits, we’re treated to yet another lengthy look at the ugly painting of The Master, to which Servo replies, “This limited edition, suitable-for-framing print is now on sale in lobby; along with the soundtrack to Manos: The Hands of Fate.”
It’s freaking gut-splitting at times, provided you view it all in the correct context. It really requires full attention for full effect, as getting absorbed in the badness of the movie accommodates the perfect disruptive effect when one of the SOL crew interrupts. It’s a great harmony of terrible movie and strategic riffing, and it all adds up to one of the strongest Joel-era episodes of the show.
Apart from the disarming humor of Joel, Crow, and Servo, the second half of the Hired! short (which precedes the film) also helps to take the edge off. It’s funny, but a lot funnier if you watch both parts back-to-back (which you can do in the special features—discussed in a moment). Here, our car sales manager executes on the epiphany bestowed upon him by his handkerchief-hat wearing, imaginary elves-swatting father. It’s brief, but in sharp contrast with the film. To great effect!
The Special Parts
This is, of course, a Special Edition release, and it is only one film. But you’ve got to hand it to the creators for a solid effort when it comes to supplemental material. This is a pretty significant element of the MST3K library, after all, and it does deserve greater attention than most other episodes.
Besides the always great artwork for the lobby card by artist Steve Vance, you’ll also find the following extras included in this two-disc set:
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The full, original Manos: The Hands of Fate movie (absent the hilarious MST3K treatment).
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Group Therapy (18:00) – Frank, Trace, Joel, and Mary Jo discuss various Manos topics ranging from the plot of the film, the scenic opening, the soundtrack, how they found the movie, and plenty more. Of course, a good helping of laughs are included, such as Joel’s discussion about how Manos wasn’t the type of movie you’d be likely to come home and watch after a hard day, and Frank’s response about how it probably would instead represent the start of your hard day.
Trace sums it up: “You’ve got to aim high to fail so big.” -
MST Hour Wraps – Always a hoot and worth inclusion; no exception here.
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Hotel Torgo (27:19) – How fertilizer salesman Hal P. Warren and his accomplices from El Paso set out to make the worst film ever. Included are interviews with film historians, an El Paso judge, and the last remaining staff member (Bernie Rosenblum) who worked on the film (who is, admittedly, a pretty creepy guy). We’re even taken by Bernie to the location where the movie was filmed, accompanied by music pulled from the film. We’re also treated to some other surprising extras, such as a close-up of the script where a bunch of text is crossed out and replaced with “Wing it.”
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Jam Handy to the Rescue! (Additional features related to Hired! and other educational shorts)
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Play Movie (23:21) – A satirical educational short about the educational film producer done in the classic Jam Handy style. Included is a hilarious fake interview with Jam Handy featuring spliced comments by a fake interviewer, as well as a great nostalgic retraversal of some of MST3K’s best related shorts.
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Bloopers (2:11) – A pretty unfunny bloopers reel, but a bloopers reel nonetheless.
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Archival “Look Over” TV Spot (0:22) – A quick TV spot for the fake interview in the Jam Handy to the Rescue feature.
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My (Educational) Short Life: An Interview with Joel Hodgson (8:54) – Joel talks a bit about the inception of the infamous educational “shorts” into MST3K’s world and how these same disturbing and bizarre academic phenomena affected him throughout his childhood and the public schools system. As always, Joel’s interview is a great inclusion.
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Hired! (Parts 1 and 2) (18:28) – Both parts of the Hired! short together in one feature. Sure, they’ve been available now for some time already on DVD, but it’s nice to have them here again for convenience and contextual harmony.
