Before I go into detail, I have to admit that I am a guy whose knowledge of the Twilight series is screaming “Team Buffy” at psychotic little girls and whatever I could get off of Wikipedia to link similarities to the storyline. Along with this, I watched the first few minutes (30) of Twilight so that I could understand the characterizations that were trying to be portrayed and parodied in Vampires Suck. If you are like me then watching this movie will be like a quick, semi-humorous rundown of the first two Twilight books and or movies. This is all while referencing so many pop culture nuances that I couldn’t keep track of them all. Basically,the movie opens with the main character, Becca, moving to Sporks to live with her idiot father after her mother is revealed to be one of Tiger’s “ladies”. Well, she heads to school where she befriends a bunch of random people including the head jock and wannabe prom queen, Jennifer. There she sees Edward and they proceed to have an intense moment since, according to Jennifer, there is silent slow motion staring contest. Becca then heads to Chemistry where she is introduced to Edward and his hatred for tuna fish. As the school day is finishing, Edward manages to save Becca’s life by stopping a runaway car with the use of an Asian kid as padding.
After a bunch of research by Becca, she convinces Edward to talk to her and reveal his secret. She “knows” he is a Jonas Brother, especially with all of his bling and shininess. Edward corrects her that he is a vampire, and they have their lovey dovey romance that culminates with Becca trying to seduce and have sex with Edward. He refuses her, and lets face it who wouldn’t. Instead, Edward decides to introduce Becca to his family for her birthday. As she was unwrapping a present, Becca cuts herself that caused a feeding frenzy with all of the blood that was spurting out. Edward saves her but then leaves since he is a “danger” to her. As soon as this happens, Becca is attacked by three vampires who look a lot like the Black Eyed Peas. Surprise, surprise Edward shows up to save her and this time vanishes for real after the fight. Months pass and Becca realizes that thrill seeking causes her to have visions of Edward. While she is getting crazier and even more depressed, Becca is getting comforted by her strange childhood friend Jacob White. As this is going on, Jacob is going through a strange puberty that makes him look like Michael J. Fox from teen wolf. Time passes and she is attacked again by the vampires. Well this time Jacob and his “pack” of guys come to save her.
While all of this is going on, Edward is living in a rat hole in Brazil dating Lady Gaga. Edward’s sister shows up and tells him that Becca is dead. Edward decides that he can’t live and decides to go to the Zolturi, powerful vampires, so that he can be killed. He promises to do this during ‘St. Salvatore’s day’ the vampire themed school prom in Sporks. Becca finds out about this and rushes to stop him from revealing himself to the world, in more ways than one. She can’t make it in time, due to the fact that a bunch of Edward and Jacob fan girls get into a beat-down over who is better/hotter. Over his insolence, Daro demanded that Edward make Becca a vampire. He only does so after Becca agrees to marry him. As the movie fades out, a Jacob fan girl brains Edward, sees Becca go all vampy and then screams “oh f*&k” as she is being ravaged.
As stated above, there are so many connections, references and other similarities to pop culture that I cannot even begin to name them all. Like every good parody, these break up the monotony and drama taking place in the storyline. One of my favorite connections includes, of course, Buffy going after the shiny little vampires. Another of the interesting references is The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 being used in a movie marquee. Also, Alice makes an appearance getting knocked down the rabbit hole.
The cast of Vampires Suck, well suck your soul. OK they don’t really. For a movie parody the cast and writers did a relatively good job at portraying their characters, who are based off other characters. Like I said, I watched a very limited amount of Twilight and can honestly say that the depressing, maudlin attitudes of the Twilight characters are obvious in Vampires Suck. This dark attitude is kept, even in the midst of keeping the viewer (me) laughing hysterically in spurts. The majority of the cast were unknown to me, but did a decent job at playing each of their roles. Basically, every actor and actress was overly dramatic, which made it easier for these “nobodies” to express the roles in competent fashions. The first, and most obvious, of these fledgling actors is Jenn Proske who plays Becca Crane. According to IMDB.com this is the first of Jenn’s movie career. She did a pretty good job of playing the leading lady in this parody for having such limited experience. The other main character Edward, played by Matt Latner, was an unknown to me as well. Once I saw his credentials, I understood how he got this role. Matt is one of the leading men in the new 90210 series; thereby giving him great practice in being dramatic and keeping a straight face while throwing random lines out. The majority of the remainder of the cast for Vampires Suck have similar experience and fame levels. However, there are a few well recognized faces among the cast. Firstly, there is Diedrich Bader, who is best known for his role as Oswald on the Drew Carey Show. Another of the well known comedic faces in this movie is Ken Jeong. Ken is the crazy Chinese guy from the Hangover, so his ability to bring humor and facial comedy is evident before even watching Vampires Suck.
Since Vampires Suck was shown in the theaters, the movie quality was quite impressive. The budget and expectations ensured that the cinematography was presented in a professional manner reminiscent of big budget blockbusters. This also included the set and special effects. The directors were able to include a number of in depth and amazingly beautiful areas that reminded me of the series that Vampires Suck seeks to parody. Due to all of these facts, the quality transfers to the DVD releases. The picture and menus were quite crisp, if a little basic, when being played on a HD television. Along with this, there was an amount of quality extras added to the DVD release of Vampires Suck. This included a number of my favorite additions to any release. The first extra was, of course, deleted scenes. Unfortunately, there were no real amazingly funny scenes in this section, but it was still interesting to see some alternate takes. After this selection was a gag reel. Here the characters were shown messing up and goofing off. This was my favorite extra on this DVD since it showed the humanity of the cast and directors. Vampires Suck was full of laughs. That is quite true, however the movie itself was quite lowbrow. As with normal parodies, the acting was over expressive and under skilled. I enjoyed watching it once, but I do not think that I would ever choose to watch Vampires Suck again. Frankly, as a way to make fun of Twilight or annoy Twilight fans then this movie rocks as revenge. However, if you are hoping to find a parody to watch over and over it is not Vampires Suck. I did laugh more than a little, so if you are forced to watch it then you will not be morose the entire time. As a guy, it is a much better alternative to the Twilight series so that I can follow what my female friends are talking about and swooning over.
