Oh, boy. I admit that I was broadsided by this one. Having completely skipped the theatrical release, I innocently volunteered to review the Blu-ray version of Mike Meyer’s newest comedy, expecting an evening filled with laughs (however unsophisticated their source). What I got was long expanses of puzzled, distraught stares from my wife—stares which I echoed back, as we both tried desperately to find some degree of salvageable humor in the film.
Do I really have to summarize this plot
Yes, I do, because I write for a website… regardless of its inanity. So here goes:
Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco) is the new hottest thing in hockey, but no sooner than had he earned his fame did he happen to lose his girlfriend (Meagan Good)—and along with her, his composure. Even worse is who he lost her to: none other than competing star hockey player Jacques Grande (Justin Timberlake). The Toronto Leafs hire the Love Guru Pitka (Mike Meyers) to try and restore Darren’s relationship, and thus his superhuman hockey talents. However, Darren has some other vices to overcome as well, not least of which being his intimidation over playing hockey in front of his mother. Meanwhile, Guru Pitka is quite taken by Jane Bullard (Jessica Alba), who works with the team along with infamous Coach Punch Cherkov (Verne Troyer). But Guru Pitka needs to keep his head on straight—because he, too, is seemingly always cursed to play second fiddle to the great Guru Satchabigknoba.
In retrospect, Mike Meyers could have used the help of The Laugh Guru, because The Love Guru is sorely lacking in that department. Most of the movie is tragically unfunny—awkward even—and an astounding number of the jokes fall flat. Post-Austin Powers, which survived thanks to its degenerate humor in spite of its inherent stupidity, it’s hard to believe that this painfully inept experience came from the mind of Meyers. But there’s a very fine line separating valid low-level humor and outright vapidity, and sadly, The Love Guru stumbles drunkenly through the center of the latter. The guru Pitka would call it “regressive” humor, and at least he’d be right about that.
The infinite monkey theorem applies
There’s really very little redeeming about the film at all, though as always, a few moments elicited laughs. Justin Timberlake finds interesting ways to influence the comedy, often via sight gags, such as his rotary impulse sprinkler dance. I enjoyed an obscure reference to the so-called Benny Lava (strong language) YouTube video that has been circulating for some time. And the Dell Computers customer service joke had me chuckling. But these bright spots were few and far between. Too often is the viewer inundated by woefully primitive and often tasteless jokes like the multiple nasal discharge sequences in the film or the “stink mop” fight, where two men must duel wielding mops soaked with a third party’s urine.
While it’s not always the best approach, many comedies merely employ a story to help string together the gags—and that’s fine, provided the gags deserve to be the center of the film. Of course, that isn’t the case here, so it doesn’t help matters that the plot is also endlessly predictable and unexciting. For all its conceptual originality, The Love Guru is about as formulaic as a movie can get. It’s got nearly all the necessary components of a successful mainstream comedy: the hot girl, the slapstick, the pop-culture references and cameos, the ubiquitous waterfall of post-production cartoon sound effects… but it’s missing the single most important ingredient of all: the comedy.
Extras
The Love Guru features an average-sized collection of extras, though it is curiously missing a commentary track—perhaps because there’d be very little to discuss.
Mike Meyers and The Love Guru – An Inside Look (9:35) – Mike discusses the development of the character of Guru Pitka. The cast also discuss Mike’s unique approach to merging improvisation with the scripted sequences. Finally, we’re introduced to many members of the cast as they discuss their own memories and reflections on the film. Naturally, everything is rosy and positive, making the feature seem a bit unbelievable right from the start.
One Helluva Elephant (5:44) – A discussion about the development of the so-called Maggie Mach 2, which is a robotic elephant prop that was used throughout the film. The fact that there are over 3000 hairs that were individually inserted into the model is a good indication of how much effort went into this. It’s impressive to say the least. We also get to see a model ostrich.
Hockey Training for Actors (8:03) – Among the most interesting of all the special features, this one is actually pretty cool stuff. We get to see the sort of intensive preparation that went into producing realistic-looking hockey sequences, from the hiring of over a dozen volunteers who came from a background of professional hockey to the training of the actors to match the required intensity of the scenes.
Deleted and Extended Scenes – Eleven total including the alternate ending. As you might expect, these were all cut for a good reason. The alternate ending is just 41 seconds long; it foregoes the goofy closing musical sequence for something different (but only mildly amusing).
Bloopers (3:48) – Your usual collection of twisted tongues and forgotten lines, with a few chuckles here and there.
Back in the Booth with Trent and Jay (5:08) – A collection of additional and extended scenes featuring the two overzealous and incoherent announcers from the movie.
Outtakes and More (10:14) – Even more deleted scenes—a bunch of them. Most of them are ten to fifteen seconds long and not so amusing, but there are some funny Mike Meyers moments throughout.
Theatrical Trailer (2:31) – This is the original theatrical trailer for the movie, which regrettably showcases four of the six or so jokes in the movie that are actually funny.
Finally, you do get a digital copy of the film, which is a cool idea to be sure (they’re doing it with a lot of Blu-rays these days). Of course, in this case, the film is the weakest part of the package, so…