In our neverending quest for inimitable professionalism, the DigitalChumps staff has developed during the trip to E3 a modified set of rules to govern the always-excessive use of the That’s What She Said (hereafter TWSS) response. This was partially due to boredom, but equally so to necessity, as last year the phrase became so ubiquitous that it resembled something of an infection. Having said that, we have decided upon a set of rules which we believe will help to curb the use of the phrase at least to that of acceptable (or at worst bearable) levels.
Bear in mind that this rubric is not yet complete; as of yet we have only partially developed the rules. But regardless, here’s what we’ve got so far:
- Each day, each attending personnel is allotted three opportunities for the use of a That’s What She Said (TWSS) response.
- The appropriateness of each response determines its inherent value. This aforementioned value is in the vein of golf scoring; ergo, less is better. The value of the TWSS is democratically determined by the group (perhaps including the jokester himself provided he is judging from a decidedly professional standpoint). Truly bad TWSS remarks carry a positive balance of up to one point; likewise, truly good ones carry a negative balance. Players begin with a score of negative three points each day, thus reflecting the “three opportunities” for TWSS remarks referenced above.
- If one is so comedically inclined, it may be possible to actually close the day with an overall negative balance. Assuming that the jokester provides more than just a couple of remarks throughout the course of a day, such an accomplishment would be highly regarded. However, if the player closes the day with a score of -3 following a day absent of TWSS remarks, he is instead awarded the status of a major organ of female anatomy.
- The only way to counteract a decidedly bad TWSS comment is to immediately turn to the nearest female and repeat to her, verbatim, entirely out of context, the remark that warranted the TWSS in full.
- Special rule: If it happens to be raining at any particular time, all rules are suspended and the game thus devolves into a cruel exchange of feckless perversion.
- Should a person (somehow) manage to receive a score of +30 or more in a single day, he is left to die by natural causes, sans coworkers and any semblance of self-respect, in whatever environment he received said score.
- These rules only apply to That’s What She Said comments. All other varieties of jokes are less volatile and thus not regulated.
A couple of footnotes. As the forefathers of these rules, we intend for it to be a living document; that is, should you find a way to improve it substantially, be our guest. Also, don’t try and make this into a Beetlejuice-like situation. You can’t trick people into using the phrase.
That’s all for now.
