HULK SMASH
The game opens with a reasonable amount of flair. A brief monologue from Edward Norton leads into a cut scene, which then parlays into nonsense. For whatever reason you’re in Alaska, and then the story pretty much forgets to exist until a brief interlude midway through the game. To make up for this, I have decided to simply make one up based on my activities up until that point. First off, the Hulk hates satellites. His all consuming goal for every level is to make it to the end so he can destroy a satellite. This is accomplished through traditional side scrolling action, with a few marginal variants to give everything that distinct Hulk flavor.
Hulk smashes stuff all the time, it’s practically his job. Amaze has thankfully channeled such visceral rage into the gameplay experience, as you spend most of your time pummeling the living crap out of everything on the screen. Such unchained rage is required to bust up blocks of ice or flimsy walls in order to advance throughout levels, but is also thankfully carried over to defeating hordes of gun/bomb/flamethrower toting bad guys positioned throughout the levels. And let me tell you, knocking the hell out of these hapless goofs is reasonably exciting. Hulk hits with considerable force, and seeing the screen shake as you pummel their future corpse across the landscape is somewhat rewarding.
In a way it sort of reminds me of Contra, in respect to the way you have to dodge spread-gun fire or otherwise time your attacks accordingly, lest you be hit by an errant bullet. Unlike Contra, save the occasional rock, tree, or car, Hulk has no projectiles to speak of, thus he must slowly work his way over before you can punch their faces off. I mean it sort of makes sense, I’d cry blasphemy if the Hulk was marching around with a pistol, but his relative lack of long range attacks feel like an inherited design flaw that the developers weren’t quite sure how to overcome.
Still, you have a couple extraneous tools at your disposal. Hulk can temporarily set aside his hatred of satellites when he gets to use smaller (apparently less threatening) versions as pole vaults, which (along with randomly placed flagpoles) can be used to hurl himself self across portions of a level, plunge through otherwise unbreakable walls, or bypass unusually strong gusts of wind. In the top right corner of your screen lies your gamma gauge, which builds as the Hulk destroys a succession of physical objects without taking damage. Once full the gauge can be unleashed which, surprisingly, doesn’t result with temporary invulnerability. Instead, all the random crap that Hulk can bash for no reason gets destroyed instantly, which is sort of helpful when you don’t know where to go, but completely pointless is most cases.
This brings us to the level design. As indicated by the touch screen map, levels, of which there are thirty, are comprised of a random maze-like construction of square boxes. Sure, they’re dressed up to look like ice, bricks, oil rigs, or whatever, but the game’s roots lie in the old school staple of steady platforming. Change-ups are minimal, but occasionally you’ll have to go through a swimming level, which, like the standard platforming, comes directly from the school of Mario 101. The increase in difficulty is consistent with the advancement of levels. While most early levels can be finished in less than two minutes, the later challenges can take up to ten. A couple of cheap, nefariously placed enemies may deter your desire to replay a failed attempt a level, as there are no checkpoints.
Green Not Necessarily Included
Aside from the already mentioned infinite army of antagonists, you’ll encounter a few other pitfalls along the way. Traps designed to infuriate the Hulk include machines that turn him into an ice block, or the bane of any actions hero’s existence, the much dreaded conveyor belt. The context of any one of these is questionable (specifically the ice machines that miraculously function in the under water levels, think about that for a second), but they’re solid gameplay devices.
Boss fights occur every fifth level, but I’d struggle to call them a challenge. The third fight, in particular, consisted of me randomly jumping in the air and mashing the attack button, which took ten seconds before yielding my inevitable victory. Others require some minor timing skill and a need to occasionally get the hell out of the way, but on the whole, they’re rather disappointing. At first I was going to complain about the absurdity and left field nature of having to battle an abominable snow man but, really folks, what better match up is there for the Hulk??
The Incredible Sulk
While the Hulk generally looks good in its 2.5d, side scrolling splendor, the monochromic pallet of each level snuffs away any potential for visual flare. The game doesn’t exactly like extra activity, as it sometimes moves so slow you’d swear you’re stuck on one of the many conveyor belts. The frame rate doesn’t dip all the time, but you’d better be prepared to renegotiate your platforming plans if more than two guys are simultaneously firing at you. The music is a lesson in blasé, offering absolutely nothing unexpected or stimulating, while the sound effects are sufficient at best.
Depending on your patience, something the Hulk isn’t exactly known for, the game can be completed in around five hours. A new skin for the Hulk is hidden inside every standard level, which might be worth seeking out for super fans. At one point I gained another bar of health, though I have no idea how that happened, I’m sure filling up the health bar could serve as an additional challenge. The game also has a smash percentage, which tracks your path of destruction throughout every level, though completing this certainly feels like more trouble than it’s worth. There’s also a brief two player offering, where you can challenge your friend to a smash off.
