Continuing our fine tradition of posting content months after it was created, Episode 77 is finally ready to be consumed via Internet web page. I took notes on my phone during production, apparently detailing the topics of conversation. They are as follows: phone gymnastics, tinder, grinder, eating weird animals, Transformers, Steve's wife murdering a deer with a car while pregnant, being sad at Denny's, Subway, and audiobooks. Presumably, we also talked about videogames like Dark Souls II, Mario Golf: World Tour, Trials FusionMario Kart 8, Diablo III: Reaper of Souls, and Hearthstone. We also power-ranked the year 1988 in videogames.

Duration: 2:42. Date recorded: 05/05/14

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I walked into X-Men: Days of Future Past with a throbbing headache and eyeball exhaustion setting in after staring at sports agate type for the previous eight hours. I expected the combination to sour my movie-going experience, and was tempted to tell my roommates (with whom I was going to see the latest mutant-filled romp) that I had to bail. However, one of them had already purchased my ticket in order to repay a debt and the desire to avoid the inevitable guilt that would have arisen inside me won out over the pain with which I was currently dealing.

Thank goodness for guilt.

If a person had been paying more mind to me than the film they paid to see, they might have thought my time with the DOFP was displeasuring. In an effort to distract my head from the pressure, I frequently shuffled my body. I wouldn’t be shocked if my roommates thought I hated the flick after the credits finished rolling, because my sentences were short and my eyes focused on the exit. Have no doubt about it though – had X-Men: Days of Future Past had the makings of a stinker, I would have gladly walked out halfway through when it was clear my headache wasn’t going to subside even in the presence of a supersized Jennifer Lawrence.

Instead, the world has been given not just an outstanding entry to the X-Men movie canon, but another title the comic book/superhero movie genre can tout as a landmark addition to film as a whole. As far as review purposes go, this gets flying colors from me. Go watch it. NOW.

I’m more concerned about expressing some deeper thoughts (or maybe not so deep: I could be full of crap?) about the flick. Here’s why I think X-Men: Days of Future Past works, and what might just make it the most important comic book/superhero movie we’ve seen yet.


1.) Embrace Ambition

DOFP is a smartly-written movie. What makes it soar, though, is its committment to the goal. With two core casts from previous X-Men movies to juggle in addition to a typically troublesome element named “time travel”, this is an effort that really could have blown up and left everyone involved looking lesser for it. That the movie was ambitious might be an understatement, and yet it remained faithful to its goal without underselling it. The filmmakers did a masterful job of saying “hell yes this is a movie involving the casts of two film series co-existing with one another due to time travel” and showing the audience that this is something that’s okay to enjoy. I’ll confess to being highly skeptical of the whole idea actually working, but it’s clear every person involved in its production was all-in with the crazy. And for something as wild as this, that level of care really matters.

2.) KISS

The KISS (Keep it simple, stupid) principle states that simplicity should be a key goal in design and unnecessary complexity should be avoided. Clearly, Bryan Singer and Co. had that in mind and wonderfully applied it. Its two biggest potential hang-ups – time travel and reacquainting the audience with characters (some of whom haven’t appeared on-screen since 2006’s X-Men: The Last Stand) – barely end up making a cognitive dent in terms of plausability.

The mechanism for time traveling is established as a means of short-term survival in the film’s second scene, allowing to viewer to more easily buy-in later when they’re asked to accept that it can be used for more long-distance application. The best part, though, is that there’s no scarily drawn-out “what if” exchange explaining the merits and downsides of using their method. The film stays committed to its device, adds an extra dose of believability (more on that in a second), and proceeds without a hitch. Simple execution, amazing results.

As for bringing audiences up to speed with characters they’ve not seen in a while, the opening scene puts you smack dab in the middle of what’s transpired since you last engaged with the present-time X-Men. The bad humans were able to get their hands on Mystique’s DNA and create Sentinels with the ability to adapt to any mutant attack, allowing them to take out the mutants as well as any humans who opted to ally with the mutants. This world is a gruesome one: humans and mutants alike live as prisoners – if they’re so lucky. Others get ripped apart, some dumped into quarries like sardines.

Only a handful of the mutants we last saw in ’06 have survived this reign of terror. However, it never crosses the mind WHY they were the ones who made it. Professor X*, Magneto, Wolverine, Storm … these are some of the most powerful mutants PERIOD. Iceman, Kitty Pryde and the like are no slouches, either. All of those involved show a propensity for survival, a testament not only to their own strengths but the knowledge Charles has instilled in them as students and peers. In that same regard, I think it no mistake that no members of the Brotherhood are present in this bleak setting, as the Magneto we’ve become accustomed to (and the one we in the past with whom we become more acquainted) has always been a self-preserver above all.

*He was killed off in X-Men: The Last Stand and, save for a post-credits scene in which it’s implied that he was able to transfer his mind into that of an apparent twin brother, this is not explained. I myself had forgotten most of the events of X3 and didn’t consider this at all until I saw it mentioned online. This could call into question the legitimacy of X3 as canon prior to this film, but that might not really be a bad thing. ;)

3.) Wolverine (and Marketing) Matters

Wolverine/Hugh Jackman has been the poster-child for this franchise, and for understandable reasons. Not only is Hugh Jackman a terrific talent who brings the character to life better than perhaps any other actor portraying a comic book character does for their role, but the character itself is a marketer’s dream: A badass loner with a heart-warming backstory, a body built for war and sex, and (deep down) the heart of a softie. And, oh yea, AWESOME CLAWS. I understand those fans who exhibit hate for the constant Wolverine-pimping. Speaking as a hardcore Power Rangers fan, we’re subject to a similar overdose of Green/White Mighty Morphin Power Ranger merchandise. However, the selling of the product matters almost as much, if not more than, the actual product. And Wolverine/Hugh Jackman can put asses in chairs.

I bring all that up to say that this is probably the most significant role Wolverine has played in the franchise, but it’s played in a way that doesn’t overstate the character’s importance. His super-healing ability makes him a prime subject to send back in time without destroying his brain, and so it’s there he goes. Wolverine gets his fair amount of screen-time, but the balance here is so much more succinct than in films’ past and one never gets the impression that this is a Wolverine title masquerading as an X-Men flick. The team concept that X-Men should always hold as a top priority is more a focus here than ever before, with each member playing their role (and each actor owning their role) in ways that bring the whole film’s level of quality to a sweet high. Without Wolverine, the whole movie falls apart – but one doesn’t really get that impression until soaking it all in, and that’s great.

4.) Suffering Is Pleasure

Bodies are ripped into pieces. Important characters get impaled. Humanand mutant compassion have been reduced to criminal activities. No one is spared from the worldly and personal tragedies taking place in the present and past. Hell, a young Charles Xavier has become a drunkard after the severing of the relationship between him and Raven. The cruelties to which our protagonists are subjected aren’t alluded to or glossed over – we watch them and those around them sufficiently suffer.

This isn’t all that unique, but it’s easy to forget to appreciate it – especially when some superhero flicks (here’s looking at you, Man of Steel) are wont to ignore collateral damage in the midst of an entire city being blown apart. Here, human and mutant casualties are brought to the forefront and done so without a single building falling down. Structures don’t have to fall for people to be damaged in DOFP, and that’s refreshing. DOFP is a film devoted to consequences and the results thereof. We’re reminded that every action we take influences not just the immediate future, but possibly that which we can’t yet see.

5.) Event-full

Despite my anxiety about the DOFP actually being a halfway decent film, I consistently held one view since the idea came into the public consciousness: This isn’t a comic-book movie; this is a comic-book movie EVENT. Some might argue that The Avengers was the first to really go for such a thing, as the individual Phase One movies were designed with the intent of bringing all the heroes together for one freaking awesome get-together. The Avengers was a well-thought out, perfectly-executed gathering of heroes – I would not call it an “event” in the sense in which I’m speaking.

When I think of a comic-book event, I think of a happening or threat that is so impactful it requires going beyond the limits of what’s normal in order to overcome said happening or threat. Again, The Avengers fits that criteria by the letter of the law. What eliminates The Avengers for me is that not only was it carefully-planned in advance, but the concept of those heroes joining forces in and of itself was an actual comic property with years of history to mine. The Avengers and Iron Man are two separate entities, but the character Iron Man is (usually) always a part of The Avengers unit. It’s not out of the ordinary for them to team up. As far as comic books are concerned, it’s as normal as the sun coming up for those guys to hang out.

Y’know what’s not normal? Going into the past to use your past selves to undo the present in which you’re currently residing. Having to do THAT constitutes an event. And as prevalent as such moments are in the comic-book world, they’re (understandably, mostly due to rights issues) absent from the genre’s film offerings. It’s actually quite fitting the first thing of this type happened under the X-Men brand since the original film was the one that kicked off the superhero film renaissance. Perhaps this’ll have a similar effect?

Unfortunately, as it stands, X-Men (with its two sets of casts) is the only Marvel property that can really offer up such extravagant outings. Perhaps in a perfect future where all of the Marvel properties are under the same film umbrella, we’ll be lucky enough to receive a Civil War movie (or, better, trilogy) or something similar. This is one area I hope DC will be eager to explore. Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice sure seems like it should have the makings of an EVENT … but we’ll see.

In what's become another rambling barrage of vicious non-sequiturs, we spend twenty minutes talking about Steve's full body massage and the surrounding etiquette of such, why Chris quit Facebook, credit card tips for functioning middle class adults, whether or not John Calipari is bad for basketball, 16-bit sports games, and how to properly deal with homeless people asking for money. At the two-hour mark Steve says something terrible and Chris and Eric laugh at it for five minutes - and we apologize for not editing that out. 

Flap Jaw Space is objectively a videogame podcast, so we also find time for Diablo III: Reaper of Souls, Goat Simulator, Luftrausers, BioShock Infinite: Burial at Sea - Episode 2, and viewers like you. 

We also power-ranked the year 2002 in videogames. 

Duration: 2:54:50. Date recorded: 04/05/14

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Software may be primed for a new generation of hardware, but the model that defines its content adheres to lessons of old. Killzone: Shadow Fall, consciously and inconspicuously, wasn't one to go off-model. Vague novelties allowed it to score somewhere in the average range, leaving its downloadable content the task of supercharging the inevitable decay of its structure.

Enter the Insurgent Pack, a smattering of Killzone goodies aimed squarely at fans of Guerrilla Games' signature shooter. Included is a brand new multiplayer class, new abilities for the existing classes, a handful of new weapons, and two new modes aimed to support the single-player campaign.

The insurgent class is one of Guerrilla’s better contributions to multiplayer combat. Born with nothing but a pistol, the insurgent gains abilities and weapons by stealing them from downed members of the opposing team. Filling out each abilities slot leads to a delightful assemblage of each class into a single solider. Each ability has a limited number of uses, which encourages and facilitates shifting combinations of abilities. The insurgent class can also hack turrets, likening him to the Engineer class of Killzone's past.

If nothing else, the insurgent class demonstrates an interest in further separating Killzone from its peers. The playful nature and considerable risk injected into its foundation scream variety, and its pistol-only start and do-it-yourself acquisition of abilities seem built especially for those who may have squeezed every last drop of interest out of the three existing classes. New abilities and weapons for said existing classes are either safe or indistinguishable from existing options, lacking the definition and pure excitement of a fully-featured Insurgent class.

Speaking of snoozers, the two new modes boasted by the Insurgent Pack's bullet points stretch the definition of "new mode." Single Player Elite Mode merely defaults to hard mode, but only gives the player three lives for the entire campaign. Likewise, Online Collectibles Mode creates a few new opportunities for boosting earned points in online matches. It's not that these additions are particularly detrimental to existing content - far from it, a similar three-life mode in Dead Space 2 provided a harrowing experience, to say to least - but rather merely to state that there's nothing to it. These could have been free content updates in a regular patch, but instead they're bundled with the Insurgent Pack as a perceived value-add. If modes are supposed to be food, these are crumbs.

As its title suggests, the Insurgent Pack is mostly good for the titular insurgent class. The pack, the assorted grab-bag of abilities and weapons lumped into the existing pile, are the parts that will be consumed and forgotten. This leaves the Insurgent Pack's recommendation as one with a handful of important qualifiers. Do you still have your copy of Killzone: Shadow Fall? Are you still playing it? Is a new, and actually great, multiplayer class enough of an enticement to spend ten of your dollars? Probably. Maybe.

If I had to assign a score to the Insurgent Pack (an action that seems somewhat inappropriate given my familiarity with the series and the wobbly nature of the content), it would stand alongside its parent with a solid 6 or 7 out of 10. It adheres rather than defines, although it’s certainly pushing the entire package closer to the former. Maybe at the end of the year, when Killzone's DLC has finished its run, will it push the game into something greater.  

I had to figure out if I could lick that hang glider.

You'll have to forgive me, I should have provided a bit of context. I was simulating what it's like to be a goat through Coffee Stain Studio's Goat Simulator. Like any normal goat, I could bleat, aggressively ward off humans, and use my nine-foot tongue to lick and stick to virtually anything in sight. I've been to plenty of petting zoos and I've met quite a few goats along the way. All I remember is that they have terrifying rectangle eyes and don't typically battle the ducks and chickens when I try to feed them food pellets. That's the extent of my knowledge, and it doesn't seem to conflict with the idea of a goat climbing a giant industrial crane a quarter-mile into the sky and trying to jump off it in order to lick a man's hang glider.

Naturally, I made contact with the hang glider and went along for the wide. My goat head spun around about a hundred-and-forty times, suggesting the elasticity of goat necks goes far beyond my previous understanding. Eventually I got tired of swinging along like an organic wrecking ball and let go. I fell five-hundred or whatever feet to the ground and walked away, casually celebrating my immortality. There were plenty of other things to do in this small town, anyway, and I couldn't let a single activity consume all of my time.


Goat Simulator simulates the daily activities of a goat the same way Surgeon Simulator 2013 replicates the grievous complexity of brain surgery. It accurately simulates nothing about being a goat, handling the subject matter with the cartoon responsibility of equipping pants full of dynamite. Mechanics include the ability to jump, to lick, to scream, and to charge or back-kick depending on your position. While all of those actions are feasibly possible for goats in the real world, the button to instantly send your goat into a full ragdoll mode is exclusive to this particular simulation. Ragdoll can also be engaged automatically, should your goat fly down a waterslide or directly impact a moving vehicle. No worries, really, as your goat can un-ragdoll with the simple touch of a button.

What exactly you do in Goat Simulator is open to interpretation. Objectively it's packed with all kind of goals, some concrete and other score-based. The quest-log, if you can call it that, lists simple challenges like attaining a certain height, generating specific air time, or jumping over a fence. Virtually any action taken also creates points and builds into a multiplier. Everything generates points. I got points for licking a car. I got points for air-licking a car. I got points for scaring the shit out of people protesting penis-shaped food. Goat Simulator accounts for virtually anything you can do and mindlessly hands out points for it.


The other means of enjoying Goat Simulator, as strange as it sounds, relates to open world games like Fallout 3 or Skyrim. Seeing what kind of insane shit is out there is an alluring call to adventure, especially with after realizing almost everything in sight was generated for the explicit purpose of making you laugh. The geography of Goat Simulator is relatively small, but what it loses in size it makes up for in outrageous context. Best of all? Goat Simulator recognizes and rewards silly experimentation; there are special one-off points for a ton of specific instances, the likes of which I'm reluctant to spoil out of fear of robbing Goat Simulator of its crown jewels. What's in this house? What's down that mystery tube thing? What do I do with this bacon? Why can't my goat stop farting? Everything in its tiny existence is created and designed to entertain the player.

Goat Simulator is an honest joke; the question is whether or not its laughs are worth ten dollars. There isn't a whole lot of measurable game here, or at least not in comparison to similar joke-games like Octodad: Dadliest Catch or Surgeon Simulator 2013. It's a world built around discovery, either through its outrageous context or observing the results of obscene physics accidents. For me that translated to about three hours until I exhausted the available content, minus a few achievements I still can't seem to figure out. That being said, the density of ridiculous entertainment packed inside those three hours would have easily justified a ten dollar price tag. It's dumb, it's funny, and it's completely straightforward about its intentions. Next to that video about goats screaming like humans, it's probably the best goat-related piece of entertainment on the Internet.

Note: Also check out Kevin Hudson's proper review of Goat Simulator!

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